You Don't Have To Know

 These are the words I keep hearing. 

To tell this to a mother wanting to find out if she is having a boy or girl is perceived as preposterous enough (and borderline rude) in our era, but what if I told you that the richest, most extravagant pregnancy experience does not begin with a plastic stick, peeing in a cup and two pink lines?

It begins with a wait. See Isaiah 40. Is it coincidence that it is FORTY? Like the weeks of a pregnancy? The Word has described "wait training" like stepping under the squat rack. I hate squatting. But it makes life so much easier that I submit to it. The yoke of Messiah is very much like the squat bar. It serves no purpose unless you submit to it, and when you have, all of life becomes lighter and easier. To wait on Yah is the barbell and plates. I know, it feels easier to look at it, and walk away...but trust me. Walking away from the *wait* rack to do things on our own terms IS NOT EASIER.

The last time I found out about a pregnancy this way was 2017. Knowing did not change my condition. It did not ease any of my fears. In fact, the one test I had on hand, did not feel good enough so I went and bought three more! Did this add any control to my sudden disconcerted feeling? No. It did not. Sure, I believed four a little more than just one, but what did I gain?

This is the first seed mothers sow. A seed of knowledge. Believing that we must know this, and now (despite the truth that most of us would learn within a week or two anyway). This seed, growing many more of the same kind of fruitless weed. 

I do not know how many diagnostics are run in the modern pregnancy. I do know, however, that many of them are so wrought with mistaken information that the results are false, and they add grief, sorrow, anxiety and fear. In the case of the glucose test, a cocktail of chemicals and dyes that no infant should be exposed to...for a condition that is a major falsehood of itself. The basis for many an induction turned cesarean is the "big baby" diagnosis, which is another lie because they simply cannot measure an unborn baby. They can't. The Group B strep test if positive (though often false), guarantees complete annihilation (antibiotics) of all microbial generation which was perfectly designed and necessary to inoculate an infant for a healthy, restful mind and body. Incomplete gut flora is a root of so many challenges beginning with screaming, inconsolable babies that suffer poor digestion. What authority wrote this one? If there was actually a concern with harmful bacteria, then why exactly is cervical checking a routine practice? The duplicity looks a lot like a forked tongue. ⚕️

What if I told you, that the outcome of pregnancy has much more to do with the authority given your trust, than even the physical condition of your body?

How many "barren women" did the Lord grant conception? Yes, that is how it is worded. The Lord grants conception, The Lord delivers a life. The entire system built around hiding this truth has hurt more women and babies than it has "delivered".

Poverty of trust in the Creator only creates problems.  As we sow seeds of distrust, we are taking matters into our own hands, assuming our control will improve our outcome or experience.

He provides absolute fullness and deliverance to those who purely trust His goodness. 

How a two year old grasps for control in their newfound independence and opinion is to say "I do it! I do it myself!" As Eve took the fruit of knowledge, she became afraid. This is because her knowledge did not increase her control, but only the burden of having to do something with that knowledge. 

Each time, as soon as I knew I was pregnant, the next thing I did was try to know when the expected date of delivery might be. If we don't catch ourselves here, the next response in waiting becomes another anticipated event. First hearing of the heartbeat. First ultrasound. Testing this and that. Blood draws. Screenings. All of this built upon the idea that a person with a degree and a set of tools can accomplish deliverance based on that knowledge.

When I became pregnant with my first son, my daughter was only 9 months old. My cycles had been very inconsistent, and as we had financial issues at the time, I "needed" pregnancy verification so that I could receive state insurance to pay for our CPM (For the record, the state did NOT uphold their claim that they would reimburse a home birth with a CPM, and therefore all of this was naught). I visited a pregnancy center to receive this signed verification, and that was my first (and last) vaginal ultrasound. They determined his due date, and sent me home with pictures.  What I have come to realize since then, is that this practice is demonic penetration device and any table on which we women spread our legs is a matter of unfaithfulness. (Ezekiel 16:25-33)

Modern obstetrics and gynecology is a continuous violation. The ill-conceived expectation that we will identify and stop some invisible malfunction has caused women to bare their buttocks and spread their legs for the sake of this knowledge, allowing them to palpate their breasts and insert violent instruments. If we have looked at the root of the tree, we would understand why. It is sourced and inspired by idols (demons) and cannot be extracted from those things.

The normalcy of this is absolutely absurd. Because of the commonality of fears involving not having this knowledge, it is perceived as unbelievable (and highly offensive) that this is prostitution, it is demonic, it is violation of your covenant with your Creator. But it is. I say this honestly, and in love--you cannot serve God and knowledge. Idolatry is simply trusting what is seen. Your benefit of being in covenant with your Deliverer depends on the exclusivity of your relationship and your trust in His Word.

I learned of a mother who was told her baby en womb was developing with major, death-inevitable abnormalities. She spent the entire pregnancy grieving, waiting for more awful news and for his death. She was in a traumatic emotional state for months on end. Did The Word choose this for her? Would he have passed anyway if she had not known all the details? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe the suffering was brought on by her confidence in the wrong authority, and maybe if the child was not to live, the suffering would have been a matter of trust and experiencing the nearness of Yah to her broken heart as she received the suffering without all the unnecessary additional details that did not assist in offering peace.

Do we say "I do it myself!" to Abba, asking for all the difficulties that come with refusing to accept our complete incapability of creating a perfect, complete human being?

Between Laurel and Cormac, The Lord saw fit to deliver my fourth child into His own, unearthly place. This being was only a few weeks in the making, and I will never know all the details of its life. I know this--He caused it to sleep on His terms, and I received peace as I experienced the fullness of grief and the intimacy with Father that it allowed for. These things require waiting. No, we don't always end with a living baby, even when we choose faith over knowledge. However, the richness of belonging to Him is embedded in the things we allow Him to own fully.

Can you trust that the One who began a Good Work within you will also complete it?

'My being, find rest in Elohim alone, Because my expectation is from Him. He alone is my rock and my deliverance, my strong tower; I am not shaken. My deliverance and my esteem depend on Elohim; The rock of my strength, my refuge is in Elohim.' Tehillim (Psalms) 62:5-7

Life in faith is truly labor and deliverance.