“Unassisted does not mean unsupported”

I actually don’t prefer the word “unassisted” for my own labors and births…the assistance that I receive may not be mostly human (beside my very amazing husband) but it’s anything but unassisted. The Word, Creator and Designer of my body and all living, assists and instructs, strengthens and provides throughout every part. This is why I usually use the term “freebirth”, for a few reasons.

Seeing this quote caused me to pause and consider my own support. I tend to be the kind of person that avoids burdening others. I am much better at trying to see needs and fill them, than considering the needs I may have but feel awkward looking at or acknowledging them.

I think that this might be a common issue among women, and that it is possibly one reason women seek professional prenatal care. As much as I’ve loved my “wild” pregnancies and the opportunities they have given me to get to know my body, witness pregnancy through a spiritual lens rather than purely physical, I remember looking forward to my midwife appointments. Part of the reason I was able to afford a chiropractor for my third (as well as many other “extra” little things that made me feel emotionally and physically nourished) is that I was not paying a midwife’s global fees.

The chiropractors I have seen during the last three pregnancies were male. Being more strongly convicted now that I do not wish for another man to touch my body (as it belongs to The Lord and Drew) I decided that if I did seek a chiropractor for optimal alignment, that I specifically hoped for a woman.

One day, Drew gave me a face massage to relieve some congestion due to the mold issues we have in our old 1880 farmhouse (which we are doing our best to solve), and the same day, a prenatal massage therapist I follow on instagram who is planning her first freebirth mentioned that she had a midwife come over to palpate and listen to her baby…and that’s where I saw the quote in the title. Suddenly, my eyes were open to why women look forward to their appointments (even the violating ones)…it’s because we need someone to actively direct care upon us. Since we tend to feel guilty for desiring or asking for that kind of compassion, the easiest way modern society has merely teased that yearning is by assigning us an automatic and impersonal schedule of appointments with a professional, who may or may not give a crap about our emotional well being…the very reason many women enter into that kind of relationship! I suppose some of it is based on the expectation of knowledge reducing fear or bringing peace of mind (which is quite the contrary), but for many of us, we are looking forward to the times of care for the refreshment of feeling supported, when most of our hours are spent supporting others.

It's interesting how each pregnancy and birth teaches you something new, no matter how many you may have already had. I am so grateful for each of my experiences and what they have taught me. What I am learning this time is how to receive expressions of care from others! This means that the Holy Spirit is teaching me by leading me to people who truly love and care, to expand my heart in the direction of inward flow. With my intense curiosity toward the various gifts of nourishment, how had I ignored this integral detail, how The Father loves us through one another?

For that reason, I purposed to find a *woman* chiropractor who also worked alongside a prenatal massage therapist. Massage is something I scoffed at not too long ago, considering it rather unworthy of my time. My husband would be the first to tell you that I tend to avoid experiences that feel too luxurious or extravagant, at least on my own behalf! Despite this, I felt a strong leading to seek out this type of practice and behold, Abba provided this exact thing!

Even having only received two adjustments, the initial and the follow up, I finally realize why this is a big deal. It isn't really about the physical! Several times the chiropractor said "your body moves well; you are in really good shape". I know it is not a matter of "treating" an issue or even "preventing" an issue...it hydrates the being through connection and contact with someone who is invested in enriching your life.

I am familiar with having tight finances, and I understand not every woman may have access to professionals with this kind of specialty training. But if we have the time to carefully select our care providers, plan our ideal birth, or decorate a nursery, then we can probably afford the time to purposely engage in a connection with women around us and receive the same benefit. Wherever you may live, make an effort to presently (not online) connect with and RECEIVE from women who lift you up. 

This is especially essential for those of us who do not have family nearby. We are made to receive this integrally, through mothers, sisters, aunts, cousins.

Lets be the kind of tribe that offers this support, without the pressure of finances. Lets gather at my place, once or twice a month and bless one another by our words, our touch and our presence. This may be the most valuable asset to our going into childbirth and motherhood with a fruitful, abundant mindset.

If you are a woman/mother living in the Richmond, VA area, this is for you! Bring your kiddos, they can run free outside with my kiddos while mothers intentionally put forth our need for help, prayer, a cup of espresso or tea, encouragement toward the goal of seeking The Word, a foot massage, anointing and blessing. These are powerful actions that we each need, and our generation has lost contact with the precious art of The Village.

Come on over!